I would like to dedicate this piece of writing to the RMIT English Club students. I am honoured to be one of the two guest speakers in their Storytelling Contest, which allowed me to share this personal experience of mine with others. Thank you.
When I turned 20 years old, I decided to have my astrology chart interpreted by a Vietnamese astrologer. You know the thing about providing him your birth hour and date and he would tell you everything about your life. In Vietnamese it is called ‘Lá Số Tử Vi.’ So I received this small notebook which described in details all aspects of my life, from career, family, to wealth, love, and marriage. In short, I was born under unlucky stars! I read it, and was unconsciously haunted by it for the following thirteen years, especially by the statement that I was predestined to have a sorrowful love life.
Of course being a Vietnamese American, I pretended that I did not care about the astrology. Yeah right – like I could really do it! I even hunted for scientific answers and research about the Sciences of Eastern Astrology, how accurate it is, and how to understand it better. My American side told me not to believe in it, that it was all crap, and that I was in charge of my life. Yet my Vietnamese identity convinced me that there must be some truth in it. After all, Eastern Astrology had been around for thousand years, right? No matter how hard I tried, the astrologer’s interpretation that I would have a sorrowful love life negatively impacted all my relationship decision making, from getting in love, being committed, to getting out of love. In the end, when my marriage shattered after six years of effort, I decided to confront myself, ‘Why did I let myself end up in this situation?’ It was so much easier to blame my ex-husband, but I believed that I was at least 50% responsible for my marriage's failure.
After sleepless nights of thinking, reflecting, and also crying, one day it suddenly daunted to me that the hidden belief that I was predestined to be unhappy in love was the main reason for my unhappy marriage. Despite the astrologer’s statement that I was born under unlucky stars, never once in my life did I doubt about my ability, intelligence, and talents. Despite the long, laborious 12-year searching journey, I never once thought about giving up my career dream. That was the key to my current happy career. I love my job! However, when it came to love relationship, not only did I have no clue about it, I also believed I was predestined to be unhappy. The result was inevitable – I got myself into unhealthy relationships that led to unhappy ending.
In short, from now on I am determined to be happy in love. I completely stopped believing in my astrology chart. Well, I went to a fortune teller just for fun because that was the only way to meet my girl friends. You know, just a short message ‘Hey, đi coi bói không?’ and all of them would respond to me yes! And I do occasionally read the daily horoscope messages in my mailbox because I am curious of what they might say. However, I no longer let ‘the destiny’ impacts my life. Regarding being happy in love, I don’t know how I will do it, you know, dating or loving properly. I learn as I go. I just know one thing surely. I will be happy in love. That’s all. Just like Adam Khoo had name one of his bestselling books, ‘Master Your Mind, Design Your Destiny,’ from now on I start designing my own destiny.
Saigon,
August 25th, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
"I Love My Life"
One of my students spoke in my workshop today, 'I love my life.' That statement brought tears to my eyes. It was such a lovely thing to hear from a young person. Today's workshop discussed about luck or happenstance in one's life and how that impacted a person's happiness. For two hours, the students shared in pairs and in big group about their experience regarding luck, and at the end everyone opened their heart and mind to disclosure the most intimate though to everyone. That was the reason why I loved running workshops.
Every time I finished running a workshop, my spirit was kindled, and I felt both refreshed and re-energized. I enjoyed every single minute in my workshop, from the beginning when I usually did a visualization exercise until the end when we shared our thought and emotion in one big circle. I would easily get goosebumps just from listening to my students' sharing, and sometimes I remained high for the rest of the day that people who didn't know me would suspect that I smoked weed or something.
I guessed it was not an usual thing for young people in this community and culture to experience an environment where they felt safe enough to share their emotions and perspectives without the fear of being judged, nor did they often had a chance to sit down and reflect deeply about their lives with others. As a result, they were often caught by surprised when they joined my workshop, and at the end always promised to come back for the next one if their schedules permitted.
My colleagues told me that I was fortunate to have students who came to me voluntarily. Because they were not forced to, they came with an open mind and an open heart. My heart leaped when I saw how relaxed and enlightened they became at the end of the two hours, especially during the mid-term time when they were so stressed out with studying and procrastination. Sometimes I wonder how long the impact would last, and how far could my spirit reach into their souls. Of course there were no way I could evaluate the effectiveness of my work beside receiving feedback here and there from my students. I just simply had to believe that what I was doing was bringing good changes to my students, their families, and consequently the local community where they resided. After all I am an INFP, how else could I function if I did not believe so :)
Lately I learned to focus on my achievements rather than on what I have not accomplished. Life started to become more beautiful because of that thinking habit. Instead of wishing something would or could happen, I smiled and congratulated myself on 'this project' or 'that workshop.' I guessed in a way I was practicing 'focusing on my strengths,' one of the skill that I was trying to motivate my students to integrate into their daily function. And now, at the end of a beautiful day, I am writing to remind myself how much I love my life.
July 29, 2010
Saigon, Vietnam
Every time I finished running a workshop, my spirit was kindled, and I felt both refreshed and re-energized. I enjoyed every single minute in my workshop, from the beginning when I usually did a visualization exercise until the end when we shared our thought and emotion in one big circle. I would easily get goosebumps just from listening to my students' sharing, and sometimes I remained high for the rest of the day that people who didn't know me would suspect that I smoked weed or something.
I guessed it was not an usual thing for young people in this community and culture to experience an environment where they felt safe enough to share their emotions and perspectives without the fear of being judged, nor did they often had a chance to sit down and reflect deeply about their lives with others. As a result, they were often caught by surprised when they joined my workshop, and at the end always promised to come back for the next one if their schedules permitted.
My colleagues told me that I was fortunate to have students who came to me voluntarily. Because they were not forced to, they came with an open mind and an open heart. My heart leaped when I saw how relaxed and enlightened they became at the end of the two hours, especially during the mid-term time when they were so stressed out with studying and procrastination. Sometimes I wonder how long the impact would last, and how far could my spirit reach into their souls. Of course there were no way I could evaluate the effectiveness of my work beside receiving feedback here and there from my students. I just simply had to believe that what I was doing was bringing good changes to my students, their families, and consequently the local community where they resided. After all I am an INFP, how else could I function if I did not believe so :)
Lately I learned to focus on my achievements rather than on what I have not accomplished. Life started to become more beautiful because of that thinking habit. Instead of wishing something would or could happen, I smiled and congratulated myself on 'this project' or 'that workshop.' I guessed in a way I was practicing 'focusing on my strengths,' one of the skill that I was trying to motivate my students to integrate into their daily function. And now, at the end of a beautiful day, I am writing to remind myself how much I love my life.
July 29, 2010
Saigon, Vietnam
The Woman in My Life - Mommy
It is ridiculous that the woman who influences me the most in my life is my mom and I have not written much about her! Actually writing about her is scary because it confirms to me how similar we are, and I do not, I emphasize, I DO NOT like it a bit!
First, mommy is a writer. She writes as easily as she breaths. It is more like a desire than a task she does everyday. And the same for me. If I do not write, I don't think I could overcome all the obstacles in my life. Writing is my therapy, my stress reliever, my friend, my mentor, and my love.
Second, mommy is a teacher at heart. She is passionate about teaching. Her students adored her, loved her, spoiled her, and remembered her although they studied with her years ago for a short period of only one or two years. Don't know how she did it, but her students genuinely adored her.
Third, mommy is a feminist in so many ways. She does not cook, nor does she force me cook or do housework well. This is very strange for a Vietnamese woman to do! She encourages me to read, perform well academically, think, show off my intellectual ability, and grow as much as I could. She always makes me feel that I am so special and that I do not need to worry much about men. Let them worry about me instead. As a result, I am ignorant, naive, arrogant, and clueless when it comes to men and romantic love! Mom never trained me well in that area.
Fourth, we share common values. Mom's heart is very soft and she cares so much for the disadvantaged people. Every year she raises money for the orphanage here and there. Her pension, savings, and those of her retired friends go toward charity organizations. Because of this reason, mommy easily understands the way I lead my life although I am sure there are so many times she disagrees and wish that I would do otherwise.
I grew up with mom for ten years because dad was in America. I did not know until recently how much she influenced me. Unlike other moms, when I was young I was allowed to play with children in very "bad neighborhood." This helped me tremendously in my social skills. I have learned to interact, talk, work, and joke with people from many backgrounds because of this. The good thing was I understood them but I never copied their language, their behavior, or their way of thinking. Since very young age, mom enabled me to expose myself to different cultures and yet hang on to my core values.
Our neighbors respected mom greatly although she rarely stepped out of the door to interact with them. In their eyes, she was a highly educated woman who was busy reading, painting, and writing. Every time we moved, and we moved quite a few number of times, we brought with us hundred of books. That was our main treasure. Although we may not have enough money for food, school tuition, and clothing, mommy always put aside budget for book purchase.
Mom's door was always open to visitors. My older sisters' and brothers' friends loved to drop by for a visit because they always felt welcome by her. She would laugh at their jokes, joined in the conversations, gave comments here and there, and just simply enjoyed their presence. I was born an introvert, yet because of mom's way of living, I liked to be surrounded by other people. Whenever I needed time on my own, I just ran to a lake somewhere, sat and read, and then came back to the my crowded home.
Mom is very determined despite her feminine look and her lack of ability to defend her wants and needs vocally. Whatever she wanted, she just did it. It took her seven times to pass her driving test, yet she did not give up. It took her seven years to pass her A.A. degree, yet she kept trying. It was funny to see how painful it was for her to pass her last required course, math, and it was a sweating labor for her. I admired her so much for her perseverance.
Mom and I did not get along that well. I think none of her kids, except my older brother who loved her unconditionally and ignored everything she did, quite appreciated and understood mom the way she was. Main reason, I think, is probably because we view her as our friend more than as our mom. However, the older I become, the more experience I earned, and the more wisdom I accumulated, the more I loved mom. It was scary from times to times to realize how similar we are. Yet I am so proud of her that the fear slowly subside.
Mommy is the best thing that happened in my life. I can proudly state that I am everything I am because of her love, her support, and her blind trust in who I am.
Mom, I love you.
July 23, 2010.
Saigon, Vietnam.
First, mommy is a writer. She writes as easily as she breaths. It is more like a desire than a task she does everyday. And the same for me. If I do not write, I don't think I could overcome all the obstacles in my life. Writing is my therapy, my stress reliever, my friend, my mentor, and my love.
Second, mommy is a teacher at heart. She is passionate about teaching. Her students adored her, loved her, spoiled her, and remembered her although they studied with her years ago for a short period of only one or two years. Don't know how she did it, but her students genuinely adored her.
Third, mommy is a feminist in so many ways. She does not cook, nor does she force me cook or do housework well. This is very strange for a Vietnamese woman to do! She encourages me to read, perform well academically, think, show off my intellectual ability, and grow as much as I could. She always makes me feel that I am so special and that I do not need to worry much about men. Let them worry about me instead. As a result, I am ignorant, naive, arrogant, and clueless when it comes to men and romantic love! Mom never trained me well in that area.
Fourth, we share common values. Mom's heart is very soft and she cares so much for the disadvantaged people. Every year she raises money for the orphanage here and there. Her pension, savings, and those of her retired friends go toward charity organizations. Because of this reason, mommy easily understands the way I lead my life although I am sure there are so many times she disagrees and wish that I would do otherwise.
I grew up with mom for ten years because dad was in America. I did not know until recently how much she influenced me. Unlike other moms, when I was young I was allowed to play with children in very "bad neighborhood." This helped me tremendously in my social skills. I have learned to interact, talk, work, and joke with people from many backgrounds because of this. The good thing was I understood them but I never copied their language, their behavior, or their way of thinking. Since very young age, mom enabled me to expose myself to different cultures and yet hang on to my core values.
Our neighbors respected mom greatly although she rarely stepped out of the door to interact with them. In their eyes, she was a highly educated woman who was busy reading, painting, and writing. Every time we moved, and we moved quite a few number of times, we brought with us hundred of books. That was our main treasure. Although we may not have enough money for food, school tuition, and clothing, mommy always put aside budget for book purchase.
Mom's door was always open to visitors. My older sisters' and brothers' friends loved to drop by for a visit because they always felt welcome by her. She would laugh at their jokes, joined in the conversations, gave comments here and there, and just simply enjoyed their presence. I was born an introvert, yet because of mom's way of living, I liked to be surrounded by other people. Whenever I needed time on my own, I just ran to a lake somewhere, sat and read, and then came back to the my crowded home.
Mom is very determined despite her feminine look and her lack of ability to defend her wants and needs vocally. Whatever she wanted, she just did it. It took her seven times to pass her driving test, yet she did not give up. It took her seven years to pass her A.A. degree, yet she kept trying. It was funny to see how painful it was for her to pass her last required course, math, and it was a sweating labor for her. I admired her so much for her perseverance.
Mom and I did not get along that well. I think none of her kids, except my older brother who loved her unconditionally and ignored everything she did, quite appreciated and understood mom the way she was. Main reason, I think, is probably because we view her as our friend more than as our mom. However, the older I become, the more experience I earned, and the more wisdom I accumulated, the more I loved mom. It was scary from times to times to realize how similar we are. Yet I am so proud of her that the fear slowly subside.
Mommy is the best thing that happened in my life. I can proudly state that I am everything I am because of her love, her support, and her blind trust in who I am.
Mom, I love you.
July 23, 2010.
Saigon, Vietnam.
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